FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – (a husband’s point of view)

Hey Hey All,
Remember Fifty Shades Of Grey? Well I have discovered this amusing poem by John Summers written in response from a husband’s point of view. Poor bugger, imagine?
I hope you all get a smile,
Portia xx

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FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – (a husband’s point of view)

By Pam Ayers (MAYBE!)

By John Summers (DEFINITELY!!)

The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag; ….
T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I had to dominate her!!

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out :
“Step on the other one”!!

Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!

66 comments on “FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – (a husband’s point of view)

  1. alyxjo says:

    This is witty and ultimately very very amusing! I had a hoot reading this!

  2. Mary P. says:

    LOL!!!

  3. Kath says:

    Love it!!!!!!!!!!

  4. anicasunny says:

    Enjoyed it! But ohhhh..step on the other boob…need to get that outa my head,
    thanks for the chuckle xo

  5. RuthF says:

    Hilarious!! I’m just writing an essay on Dementia, that poem brightened my day, thank you!

  6. Kim Reading says:

    Absolutely loved it!!! Still laughing xoxo

  7. Kafkaesque says:

    OhMyBloodyGOD! I just spat out my coffee all over my desk (and part of myself). I cannot stop laughing. I read that 3 times. The part about “I might have had a peek; But Mabel hasn’t weathered well; She’s eighty four next week!!” sent me into whales of laughter. By the time I got to the teeth flying out….. Bloody hell, my stomach hurts.

    This was JUST what I needed right now, Portia. Absolutely priceless! You’re an angel for sharing it.

  8. haefennasiel says:

    Bwahahaha! That last line sealed the deal for me! XD

  9. Jackieb says:

    Oh that is too too funny!
    My shrieks of laughter brought concerned doggies into the kitchen!
    Off to forward to all my friends, thank you so much for the laugh Portia.

  10. Penny Cascio says:

    OMG! that is HYSTERICAL! I needed a laugh today, thank you my darling xxxxx

  11. cookie queen says:

    LSHMTUAFIMC!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

  12. brie says:

    Portia!,
    I have not laughed so hard in I don’t know how long….worst part is it is four in the morning with everyone asleep and I had to contain myself!!!!!!!!!

    and the icing on the cake (or should I say “the cookie” was cookie queens response and your interpreting for us…PRICELESS!!

    Val- may i use that one as I happen to love curry?

    What a perfect way to end an absolutely exhausting week…thank you!

  13. poodle says:

    It’s just after 5am here and I’m trying to not laugh too loud so I don’t wake the hubby. What a perfect poem for a Friday. Too funny.

  14. Donelle Talintyre says:

    With tears rolling down my cheeks and in utter hysterics it took 5 minutes for me to “normalise” and regain my composure. My whole body just shook in paroxysms of laughter. What a fabulously clever poem and great therapy. Needless to say this is going to go viral, most likely 🙂

  15. Mitzi says:

    I laughed and laughed and laughed……and passed it on to some friends so they could join the laughter…..

  16. John Summers says:

    Hi .. author here 🙂 …..thanks for your great comments. I sent this to who a friend who posted with my name attached on Facebook July 10 last year. It’s since been posted all over the place with the odd word change – sometimes more than just the odd change – and mostly anonymously. Recently it’s being attributed to English poet Pam Ayres 🙂 🙂 … ah well! Anyway, thanks again. If bothered you can Google words – missus paperback John Summers – to confirm it was me !

    Cheers
    John Summers

  17. John Summers says:

    Oh just noticed you said Pam Ayres (maybe) …. noooooo 🙂 … see http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/booksblog/2013/mar/28/50-shades-pastiche-pam-ayres-el-james

  18. OH MY!!!! LOL 😀 LOVE IT!!!!

  19. Reblogged this on Rubber Bound Princess Diaries and commented:
    I found this and just had to share, it really tickled my funny bone, funny how that happens sometimes,

  20. Sandra says:

    In stitches here with the hubby! Thanks for the laugh.

  21. Shana Rae says:

    Reblogged this on Ten Thousand Tesserae and commented:
    Had to share this, hilarious!

  22. rosiegreen62 says:

    Hilarious. Thanks for the belly laugh.

  23. I wish robert pettinson would cast as christian… and am also excited to see this book on reel.
    the movie fifty shades of grey

  24. Madeleine says:

    Ha love it!

  25. Musette says:

    I can’t believe I missed this the first time around! This is HYSTERICAL! Mabel! Leave the poor man alone!

  26. Tatiana says:

    I love it! Thanks for the laugh of my day!!

  27. Ha ha ha! Smile? I was reading this at the cafe and I nearly spat coffee over my friend!! It’s very amusing. I was laughing so hard. What a breast way to start the day! 😀
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