Helmut Lang EDP

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Post by Chairman Meow

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There is often a lot of discordance between the image projected by a fashion house, and the perfumes they produce (Yairs, looking at you, Gucci. Balmain, I wasn’t looking at you until Christophe Decarnin came. And then went.) Not so the case with Helmut Lang, where the aesthetic of the fragrance and the clothes marry beautifully. Too bad for us, then, that a) Helmut Lang is now sculpting for a quid and b) his fragrances are no longer in production.

Helmut Lang EDP

Eau de Parfum Helmut Lang FragranticaPhoto Stolen Fragrantica

Fragrantica gives the following accords:
Top: rosemary, lavender, cotton candy
Heart: jasmine, heliotrope, lily-of-the-valley, rose
Base: sandalwood, patchouli, vanilla, cedar

Rosemary makes a cameo appearance at the outset, but confusingly has a tannic quality, giving the impression of suede or some form of cured animal skin. Whatever it is, it is short lived, and soon evanesces to leave a Turkish delight and musk concoction that hums along in a linear fashion but is utterly delicious to behold. I can pick out rose, lavender and heliotrope, but to my nose, the other floral elements are pretty amorphous. The overall effect is one of buttering yourself up with an almond croissant and taking a good ol’ grind around a musk stick pole. But don’t get me wrong – a scent with thigh high slits held together with novelty sized safety pins this ain’t. We’re doing it Helmut Lang styl-ee, which means we wear matter-of-fact expressions on our faces and our hands in our pockets. We start off low key and sotto voce throughout.

In an excellent interview on Cafleurbon, Maurice Roucel revealed that his brief for the cologne, which I am told is almost identical to the EDP, was to create “the jus to smell of his boyfriend’s secretions on clean sheets”. And he certainly succeeded in creating a scent that re-creates that slightly seedy morning-after smugness, when you’re walking doing that bed-headed, bear-footed walk of shame, and things are Your Little Secret for now. By the way, who on earth is this man-friend of Herr Lang, who would inspire such a scent? I really haven’t the foggiest, although I’d imagine he might look something like this:

Helmut Lang Eau de Parfum eli.mamaPhoto Stolen eli.mama

or

Helmut Lang Eau de Parfum Florin Gorgan FlickrPhoto Stolen Florin Gorgan Flickr

or

SONY DSCPhoto stolen Charles Roffey Flickr

If you’ve never tried the gastronomic wonder that is the musk stick, they are a chewy-chalky fluoro pink candy which I’m guessing is meant to approximate the taste of the idea of perfume. Fortunately for us, now having just licked my bottle of Helmut Lang, they don’t taste like actual perfume. But who would have thought that the secretions from the nether regions of a deer could make most excellent confectionary? In any case, should you ever encounter a pink extruded candy man in a suit, please tell him Meow says hi, and give him a nibble for me.

Is it fair of me to wax lyrical about an obsolete perfume? Probably not. But for those of us who own and love Helmut Lang, let us take a moment to draw closer to our bottles and croon appreciatively into the spot where its ear would be. “I less than three you, little Helmie!”

Helmut Lang Eau de Parfum TelegraphUKPhoto Stolen TelegraphUK

eBay has some Helmut Lang Eau De Parfum that starts at around $150/50ml
I could not find any samples in the sample/decant stores.

If you had to choose the next fashion designer to create a fragrance, who would it be? For me, it would have to be Rick Owens. I want a perfume inspired by his missus and in-house necromancer Michelle Lamy, the anti-Mitzah with her inky fingies and pointy teeth.

Until we next meet,
Chairman Meow

6 comments on “Helmut Lang EDP

  1. cookie queen says:

    Brilliant.
    xxx

  2. australianperfumejunkies says:

    Hey there Chairman Meow,
    I have been thinking about designers who I’d like to have produce an incredible, out there, in your face, fragrance. Every designer I like already has a scent, usually shit. How about a Frank Lloyd Wright inspired fragrance or a Harry Seidler one? Imagine if Baz Luhrmann or Alfred Hitchcock one? Maybe even an Ayn Rand or John Irving scent? The mind boggles…..
    Portia xx

  3. Natalie says:

    Excellent post. It is truly much too rare to find a designer whose fragrance stacks up to their design aesthetic in other media. I haven’t smelled the Helmut Lang, but the bottle certainly passes muster!

    As for a John Irving scent, what fun for a perfumer!

  4. poodle says:

    I can’t think of a designer I’d like to create a scent. Great review.

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