Snowcake by LUSH vs Cuir Beluga by Guerlain

.

Post by Chairman Meow

.

Hi APJ,

Having read comments on akafkaesquelife that Lush’s Snowcake was longer lasting version of my beloved Cuir Beluga, to be had at a fraction of the price, I considered the gauntlet well and truly thrown, so off I duly trundled to find a sample. You heard it folks. Cuir Beluga and Snowcake are about go toe to toe for the title of World Champion Delicious Marzipan Fragrance, so LET’S GET RRRRRRRRRRRRRREADY TO RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRBUMBOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHL!!

Snowcake by LUSH vs Cuir Beluga by Guerlain THROWDOWN

Snowcake Lush Fragrantica

Fragrantica gives these featured accords in one line:
Marzipan, benzoin, rose, cassia and almond

Cuir Beluga Guerlain FragranticaFragrantica gives these featured accords:
Top: Aldehydes, tangerine
Heart: Immortelle, patchouli
Base: Vanilla, amber, suede, heliotrope

Bingbingbing! Snowcake sluggishly dances around Cuir Beluga with some evasive footwork while Beluga watches on with a bored expression… and BAM! Beluga uncorks a huge left hook out of nowhere, and Snowcake goes down like a lead balloon. Nothing more to see here, ladies and gentlemen.

These are mostly listed as essential oils in the ingredients list, with the implication that it’s a mostly “natural” perfume, as is Lush’s wont. Certainly natural is how it smells.

Snowcake, with its billing as a scent of marzipan, and name that promises a mouthwatering dessert in fact delivers, cruelly, sadistically, the scent green bananas. It goes on tart, grassy and replete with an uncomfortable urge to scrape the fuzz of unripe fruit off one’s teeth. What’s more, by the magic of whichever wacky esters are in this concoction, you even get the slightly ferrous whiff of bruised and oxidised banana peel moments later.

Snowcake vs Cuir Beluga Boxing_Ring WikiMediaPhoto Stolen WikiMedia

The almond is there I suppose, morosely mooning about in the wings, crapulent from the night before, and does make a reluctant showing once the banana finishes its strangled chorus. It plays a short olfactory set and then passes out on stage in its own banana scented vomit. The only resemblance to Cuir Beluga that I could detect is when Snowcake is at the very end of its pitifully short life, one that makes the notoriously ephemeral Cuir Beluga appear a veritable Methuselah of perfumes, when it’s just an enfeebled, barely perceptible almondy-vanilla powder.

This would all be tremendous if Snowcake wasn’t thus named and was instead called “The Smell Of ‘Nanas Turning”, but as it is, it’s just a bit of a letdown for this confused reviewer. Am I missing something? Did the Aussies get a beta version of the Snowcake that everyone else is in raptures about?

No, I suspect the problem lies with me. The truth is, I’m quite partial to synthetic scents, with their durability and ability to transport me to fantasy olfactive landscapes, which is much harder to accomplish with natural scents. Actually, I’d say I’m quite the fan of artificial things in general. I prefer my chicken and corn soup laden with MSG. I’m looking forward to meeting my future robot manservant. I want my drag queens to look like caricatures of women.

And I like smelling stuff that smells better than the stuff it’s meant to smell like.
Pass me those bolt-ons will you, there’s a dear.

Chairman Meow x

20 comments on “Snowcake by LUSH vs Cuir Beluga by Guerlain

  1. Jackie b says:

    Oh how disappointing!
    The Snowcake soap smells great, (but it is quite drying on my skin.) Cuir Beluga out of reach on many levels!

    Next.

    • Chairman Meow says:

      Disappointing it was, though I’ll give the soap a sniff when I’m in a store next. Maybe it translates better in soap form.

  2. Sister Mary says:

    No freaking contest!

    It sounded to good to be true. I was reluctant to even *try* Snowcake and face the crushing disappointment. Credit to you Meow, for putting your schnoz in where I dared not, and dishing the Hard Science!

    But, Banana?!?

    Now cheer us all up… who knows of bargain elixirs that truly equal (or surpass) their alleged match?

    • Jackie says:

      Not surprised. I heard great things about Lush Rose Jam & ordered the shower gel. Very disappointed: smelled only honey, no roses at all! Big purr to the Chairman. @;^)

    • Chairman Meow says:

      I know right, banana! I’m assuming it wasn’t their intention to make a banana scent. Freddie of smellythoughts fame had a similar, albeit more positive experience.

      I’m always up for a cheap thrill, so please share if you have one!

  3. Sarah K says:

    This may be the funniest review I have ever read 😀

  4. SallyM says:

    Hilarious review – this was a real tea spitter: “The almond is there I suppose, morosely mooning about in the wings, crapulent from the night before, and does make a reluctant showing once the banana finishes its strangled chorus. It plays a short olfactory set and then passes out on stage in its own banana scented vomit”. Possibly the funniest part of a review I’ve ever read (and I’ve read A LOT!).

    Talk about synchronicity though – just last night I ate a barely ripe banana and had to clean my teeth immediately to get rid of the fur mouth, so I could imagine “exactly” how this smells. As a Guerlain ho’ I’ll stick with the real thing and leave the imposters to their doom.

  5. RuthF says:

    LOL “The Smell of Nanas Turning”

  6. Nicky says:

    Vanille by Reminiscence is the closest Cuir Beluga dupe I have come across so far, a third of the price too :). It is available from HK based online retailer

  7. SueB says:

    Brilliantly hilarious review Chairman.

    I shall hold my Cuir Beluga bottle that little bit closer tonight :).

  8. Tora says:

    I so appreciate a perfume review that makes me laugh so hard I snort. Not your usual review fare, but damn well needed.

  9. Laurels says:

    Disappointing result, but wonderful color commentary.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *