Perfect Fragrant Gifts for Annoying People

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Post by Azar

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Happy Impending Holidays, APJ!

The holiday season is upon us and what better way to please the folks on Santa’s list than with perfumed and fragrant gifts. There are also those other, “special people” who deserve lumps of coal or bundles of sticks. Perhaps these stinkers might benefit from pleasant fragrances too!

Perfect Fragrant Gifts for Annoying People

Poo-Pourri Party Pooper – 2016

 

Our young friend “L” is a wonderful woman – in all ways but one. This lovely person has a very annoying and smelly habit. When visiting our home, “L” will inevitably unload in the bathroom, closest to where the action is. The fan and air fresheners have no effect. “L” usually emerges from the bathroom giggling, knowing full well that she has gassed the entire assemblage and polluted the party. I consider this “marking behavior” and have chided her often to no avail. So for “L” this year’s perfect fragrant gift will be:

Poo-Pourri Party Pooper Gift Set – Potty like a rock star and leave the toilet smelling better than you found it with a pure blend of mandarin, lily and tangerine natural essential oils.

empire-by-donald-trump-fragranticaFragrantica

Empire by Donald Trump – 2015

Fragrantica gives these featured accords:
Spicy mint, tea, orange blossom, apple, jasmine, amber, musk, tonka bean

The next gift recipient is politico, “G”, who would barge into the house, day or night, trying to convert us to his religion, telling us how to vote and advising us on health matters. We don’t see much of “G” anymore, but if he appears around the holidays I will be ready with a gift, one that I know he will appreciate – Empire by Donald Trump. I have not tried Empire but I’m sure that “G” will resonate with the name and the celebrity candidate behind it.

star-trek-pon-farr-fragranticaFragrantica

Star Trek Pon Farr – 2285

Fragrantica gives these featured accords:
Top: Nectarine, white violet, orchid
Heart: Egyptian jasmine, mirabelle, vanilla
Base: Patchouli, musk, sandalwood

Finally, I’m sure you’ve met someone like the next special person on our list. “J”, a cougar who imagines she is still a sex kitten, is always on the prowl, showing up at parties looking “other-worldly” in micro minis and skimpy tops. Far be it from me to question anyone’s fashion sense or methods of sexual manipulation, but this girl really needs some help. My gift to her this year will be the Star Trek fragrance Pon Farr. Pon Farr is defined as “a neuro-chemical imbalance in Vulcans occurring every 7 years causing them to be extremely horny.” Pon Farr might actually help “J” by postponing her last hormonal gasp for 7 years, effectively by-passing menopause and temporarily clearing any predatory illusions from her mind.

Today’s give-away is a 5 ml decant of Pon Farr – only shipping to addresses on planet earth. To be eligible let us know how you follow APJ and tell us about a special person in your life who could use a fragrant gift this season?

Live Long and Prosper!

Azar xx

8 comments on “Perfect Fragrant Gifts for Annoying People

  1. Gina Tabasso says:

    Absolutely hilarious!I had a fragrant friend who did not really know how to be a friend. I don’t know what terrible scent gift I would give her. Maybe a fart bomb. I love love love Poo Pourri. It works great! I loathe loathe loathe Trump and live in the States. I am terrified he may win. Stupid Americans who love reality TV. There are Trump signs everywhere on peoples’ lawns. Not a single Clinton sign. It is the battle between two evils but Trump is just disgusting.

    I follow via email.

  2. Lauren says:

    Hahaha love this! I would love to give Empire to my a few people in my office!! Maybe I’ll see if I can get some samples and hand them out at Christmas time:)! I follow by email and twitter.

  3. fanny says:

    Where to start…
    No ;), that is not true, TG!
    My irritation mainly concerns a friend who always has a hard time to find her wallet when we’re out, never tips if she does find it AND is extremely critical of gifts given to her. Not to mention she fed her dog the cheapest stuff she could find and thought vets are too expensive to visit too often. I should buy her 7 Sinful Scents Greed by Gendarme, perhaps. Or what about 1 million $? Sigh… Maybe it is time for the last gift ever: Bye Bye by Mirum Perfume.
    For a friend who talks too much, but I really like her very much, the choice is simple: Silences.

    Following by email.

  4. Maya says:

    DNEM. What a fun idea! Lighthearted negative can be so much more interesting than too much positive. There are always people who don’t like us and people who we don’t like. It balances out. For those we REALLY don’t like, how about O’Driu – Basenotes KMA. LOL (I must sample it sometime if only for the KMA part.)

  5. Neva says:

    I love this post Azar! It’s absolutely hilarious. In my opinion no annoying person deserves a gift so precious as a perfume although I see now why it could be fun – to deliver a message. Maybe I’ll buy some of the Disney kids’ fragrances and give them to people who usually give me useless impersonal gifts…
    Pon Farr sounds truly kitschy and fun 🙂
    I follow APJ by email.

  6. Lindaloo says:

    Brilliant! The first time I saw the Poo Pourri ad was online and thought it was a spoof. The fact that it turned out to be real made it even more hilarious. My sister has some, I think it is intended for her husband.
    For a Trumpist, I’d rather give Paco Rabane 1 Million. It’s good and wouldn’t add any royalties to the coffers.
    The Pon Farr sounds like fun, as I am a fan of the original TV show.
    Not sure I’d want to give smelly gifts to unpleasant people, they’d probably wear way too much.

    Following with delight by email.

    PS
    You know who would love some Pon Farr if she doesn’t already have some is Ari at Arielle Shoshana.

  7. Tiffanie says:

    Ah, Azar, you made my day with these great gift ideas. What it is with some people and the powder room power plays? I am reminded of a perfume-powered co-worker who doused herself in the heavy hitting scents of the day (Giorgio, Opium, Obsession) to ward off the cigar smoke from our boss. (It was that long ago, when smoking indoors was still a thing. I was very young at the time, practically a baby.) This scented lady told us she would stop over-fragrancing everyone and everything within her blast radius when smoking in the office was banned. We told her we had our science department developing an odor-neutralizing spray we would use on her and our boss in the meantime. Anyway, please DNEM for the draw, but thank you for the laughs and the memories.

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