74 thoughts on “Saturday Question: Getting Married, What To Do?”

1. My only advice is to remember it’s your day – DO NOT let anyone else horn in and make it something you don’t want. I wanted a small casual wedding with a champagne reception with just a handful of people. That’s what we had, but we had to fight for it. Please YOURSELVES – no one else. Celebrate your love for each other in a way that is right for you.

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   • This is the EXACT problem Monica. I am 100% torn. I’m looking for anecdotes, hints, stories of yours or others weddings that you loved.
     Portia x

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2. Yes I agree.. do what you want… you will still be able to celebrate with family and friends in the future if you want something simple. Their caring will not be diminished by not having a big party. But… if you want a big party by all means have a great time! Do what is most important to you and what you will look back on and say.. we really enjoyed that! Early congrats! So… of course.. what are the fragrances going to be?

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   • HA! Fragrances? No freaking idea. At this moment I’m leaning towards Shalimar, maybe Mitsouko, but then Mohur, or Bal a Versailles, BUT then wouldn’t Coromandel be perfect. OMG! Head exploding.
     Portia xx

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     • Might I suggest you simply breathe lol…Fragrances chosen AFTER other big solutions created.

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3. Make a celebration that is meaningful to you both. This may include traditional wedding elements:rings, formal attire, something religious from your backgrounds, recprtion, cake, attendants, witnesses, announcement in newspaper, etc. Some of thes elements may feel momentous due to now legal status of same gender marriage. Your marriage now means soemthing more than just you and Jin. Do what you want to mark the event. A reception or gathering of some sort is awfully fun. Having had the privilege of marriage we still turned a bit from that and had simple thing and spent much more on honeymoon, about a month in Scotland.

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4. Forgot to add but one of the best memories of my wedding was when two friends called me the morning of the ceremony (one is wee bit nervous and busy) and asks, do you mind if we come dressed in rodeo clothing? Pause. Um. The gay rodeo is same day and they want to go from wedding, reception to rodeo. Of course! I answer. So we had a bit of a confused Quaker wedding with two dudes dressed in cowboy hats and rodeo gear.

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   • That is a HILARIOUS anecdote Kate,
     How bloody fabulous. I love the idea of rodeo outfits at a wedding.
     Portia xx

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5. I would prefer to do it quietly, with two best friends and have dinner the four of us later, no fuss.

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   • Yeah, you’re singing my song Fanny.
     Portia xx

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6. Think about the weddings you have been to that you have loved and remembered. Some of the weddings that I have loved the most were all-daytime affairs, so the reception was a lunch. There is something so lovely about celebrating a wedding during the day, in the sunlight.
   We went to a wedding recently of two people I hadn’t met before; the groom was a workmate of my other half. It was one of the most touching weddings I have been to. It seemed to me that it was a wedding like they used to be before the celebrity effect kicked in, or maybe like country weddings used to be.
   The invitations were hand-written – not calligraphy, just ordinary, cursive hand-writing – and the colours were the bride’s favourites – purple and yellow – and she had them EVERYWHERE. Some of the food was homemade by the family; family members served drinks and put out the food. The older family members, some very elderly, made time to talk to all of us.
   It was so humbling to be part of this wedding – a genuine, loving, family-centred, absolutely personal and intimate occasion. It was religious – the bride’s brother and father are both ministers of their church – and their demonstration of faith was beautiful, gentle and real and warm, and inclusive.
   What made it so memorable is that it was completely honest and without pretense or concern for trends or a need to be social media-savvy.
   After all this ramble, I guess what I am saying is, make your wedding yours, make it reflect your truth, whether that is a simple ceremony in a hall or a gala banquet with a champagne fountain, and it can only be wonderful. I’m sure that it will be wonderful.

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   • Hey Sue,
     Herein lies the rub. I have only been to a couple of weddings. All my mates were getting married and I was working or traveling. This is why I’m asking for help. The weddings I’ve seen have all been in movies.
     LOVE the idea of having a country family wedding. Wish Mum, Dad and my sister were around for that but God took them all.
     Hopefully if we do have an event we will get jin’s mum & Dad here. that would be really special.
     Keep it real seems to be the jist, I like that idea.
     Portia xx

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     • Portia, I’m so sorry that you have lost so many family members, and also that you haven’t been able to get to so many friends’ weddings. Perhaps this gives more weight to the idea of having a bigger wedding for yourself? So that all those friends can come to yours and celebrate together?
       I do understand that it’s difficult to decide. So many options! Like others before, I rather like the idea of a quiet, intimate ceremony, and a separate party. Not helping much, sorry!
       And movie / TV weddings! So many wonderful ideas – magnolias in the pool from Steel Magnolias; Diane Keaton’s mother-of-the-bride dress in Father of the Bride; everything about Four Weddings and a Funeral; Keira Knightley in Love, Actually …

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7. Personally, if I got married again, I would do it on vacation. ( No one hassels you, incredible photos) Then have a big, casual, party for everyone to celebrate with us when we got back.

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   • Azsa,
     Yeah, that is a VERY tempting idea.
     Portia x

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8. Portia, you and Jin have many friends and I think deep down you would want a big celebration. So I say throw a huge one as you described, invite Jin’s parents, family, friends and do not worry if the journey is too far for them to come over. Often marrying couples have at least 2 celebrations to suit the parties who have family in different countries. Not always practical to expect the older folk to fly over, hence after your big one, you can make a holiday to Korea and have another ‘ceremony’ or celebratory get together with his family and friends there so they get to partake in your happy union also at their end. OMG, that could be a big one too 🙂 🙂 🙂

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   • Ha Ha Ha! Hage, you have no idea how hard I have to work to even leave the house. My perfect life would be as a shut in.
     You are right about the crew though. They would feel jipped if we didn’t give them a celebration.
     I’m pretty sure Jin’s Mum & Dad would make the trip. Mum’s never left South Korea and it would be wonderful.
     Portia xx

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9. You can have your cake and eat it too! 1) Small, intimate registry office wedding with small group of friends, then go out to champagne lunch. THEN 2) fly to South Korea 3) Beautiful, solemn ceremony in South Korea with Jin’s parents; smallish reception for family and friends there? 4) Cruise honeymoon near South Korea; favorite Asian countries to visit? South Pacific islands like Fiji? Hawaii? 5) Go home and have massive party with friends in Australia. As hage kay says, many couples have a ceremony where they live and a more traditional one if parents live in another country/culture.
   Start saving now! What a fun and lovely thing to plan.

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   • That sounds like a marathon OH,
     Perfect for us really. That’s kind of how we live our lives.
     I am wondering what Jin’s parents think about it at all really. If they come here it will feel more natural and real.
     We’ll see.
     Portia xx

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     • lol, I did lay out a marathon, didn’t I? Of course, you can spread it out, with rest breaks between! It would be lovely if Jin’s parents could go there, if they’re able to travel.

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       • Yeah, we’ll get them on planes and anywhere they need to be. They are still very capable. Jin’s Dad only retired this year from quite demanding physical work, they’re both fit.
         Portia xx

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10. Hi Portia and Jin, I am all for the first option (besties to the registry and quiet lunch with BFF’s), at least, this is how I married, on a Monday morning, and I never regretted we did it this way, and I remember it fondly.

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    • Hamamelis,
      THANK YOU for leaving this message. You REALLY never regretted it?
      I think it would be so much more real without the big production.
      We can always do a champagne brunch afterwards.
      Portia xx

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      • I REALLY never regretted it dear Portia, and neither did my husband. And a champagne brunch after is exactly what we did. And I totally agree on that it is much more real, at least it is for me, and I think the success of a marriage is ultimately more determined by what happens on ‘monday mornings’ than on the highpoints (which are a bonus), which is a good reminder for when I forget.

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11. I got married at city hall on a quiet Saturday morning with four of our closest friends as witnesses, then we went out for a lovely lunch. Being a major introvert this was very comfortable for me. After lunch we went home and cuddled in bed with the dogs. My idea of a perfect wedding day. 🙂 Never a moment’s regret. It was a beautiful private moment just for us and I treasure that.

    However, you are far more social and family-oriented than I am, so I think you may want to fly Jin’s parents over and have a wedding and a nice party in Australia.

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    • Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!! I am so very happy for you.:-)

      I forgot to mention the sweetest moment of our ceremony. At the end of the legal exchange of consentments, the justice of the peace asked us if there was anything we would like to say to each other. Being a very private person, I stood there in stunned silence thinking, there’s nothing I want to say here in public in front of you. But my wonderful husband turned to me with a smile and said, ” I will love you forever.” The perfect words at the perfect moment. He’s my hero.

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      • WOW! What an amazing thing for him today. I did big blobby tears just reading it.
        Lucky you.
        Hopefully we can find a happy middle ground between my introvert wishes and my extrovert wishes.
        Portia xx

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      • Tears for me too, TaraC….

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      • ohh thats perfect xxx

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12. I am with Tara C. What would J’s parents like re celebrating in which country? I am all for what works as a couple but it is also nice to cherish the family members who are still here.

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    • Yeah AnnieA,
      Good point.
      portia xx

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13. Exciting!!! I will tell you what I did and why I liked it…very low key, got married in a stone gazebo in a mountain house resort by a retired judge…we had world class food and excellent hiking trails and stayed there for three extra days for a “honeymoon”….it was perfect….just Mr. CM and I …and the wedding planner was our only witness….do what you want to do and not what your family or others expect…we were older and had been together long enough that we did not need all the hoopla (kinda like you and Jin who I have always seen as being married despite the lack of legality). We saved a whole heck of a lot of money and were able to put down a large chunk on our house…so it was a win win….like others have said above I never regretted not having a major production.

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    • Hey CM,
      Interesting how many of us perfumistas are really private people. I wonder if that’s true across the board?
      Portia xx

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      • I have often wondered that myself…it is interesting to hear other bloggers and perfumistas described themselves as quiet or introverted or just private…..

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14. Find someplace beautiful you both like, do something serious and special (it IS a big deal), do the vows you want, sing a song, share a poem and get everyone important to come. If you don’t like rings, do a bracelot, toe ring– something. Actually, I’ve seen great “tatoo rings”–just an idea! Have a fabulous party afterwards but maybe skip catering (catered food sucks). Go to a great restaurant, and party. It’s a time of solemnity, joy, community, fun. Wear what you want. Make it big. Lots of flowers, great food, awesome perfume, and all your peeps. You could even make it participatory with guests reading, whatever! I say go big, do it right, make it memorable. You guys will have lots of quiet nights together anyway. (Okay, maybe YOU won’t, ha!). I’ve done both, the quiet court proceedings and then the marriage (we married secretly, court before the big do 6 months later). Loved the pomp and circumstance of the latter! We were making our own flowers with guests hours before the wedding and having a blast, did some of the food, and had buffet style so people could mingle, chat, go where they wanted, eat, party. Got married by a cousin.
    It is your day! You’re going to figure it out just fine and CONGRATULATIONS to both of you. Love (and tax breaks) trumps hate… (here in the USA). Very happy for you both on this step–ps, everyone loves a wedding!

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    • Thanks shiva-woman,
      Really salient points. I love that you were secretly married months before. So good. It adds a level of naughtiness that tickles me.
      Portia xx

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15. Do what you are most comfortable with. Dan & I were married at our place in the woods w/his cousin as Notary officiating. Very informal picnic, although I did put my shoes on for the official part. Whatever makes you two happiest. Congratulations.

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    • WOW JulieF,
      That sounds heavenly.
      LOVE that you put your shoes on for the BIT!
      Excellent.
      Portia xx

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16. I am the worst person to ask or answer as I really dislike weddings! We did ours very small but my mother insisted on coming to be sure it was legit, which for her meant a Roman Catholic priest needed to preside! Otherwise it would have been town hall for us. As it was, small and early morning and no regrets. You can have a blow out after when it suits everyone. (We never did!) But I know those for whom the day and the event mean a lot, so all I have to say comes with giant grains or misanthropic salt!

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    • Ha Ha Ha Amy,
      “giant grains or misanthropic salt” is US too.
      But we do love a party.
      Portia xx

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17. That is great, I love that you two are getting hitched, I’m really happy for you!
    In Austria most people get married twice, as did M and I.
    The first is the legal ceremony at the city hall, which was a small affair with immediate family and one best friend as a witness for each of us, a 15 minute procedure followed by lunch at M’s parents’ house. It was lovely.
    The second one is in church. We did this six months later in early June (driving rain, storm and flooding that day, but never mind…) with about 100 people, family and friends. We had the full works, white dress, orchestra, two priests, guests in black tie. The dinner after church was followed by a dance party and it was a really fun night.

    So, having a bit of everything seems to me to be a good way to do it, also knowing you, I understand your being torn between minimalism and the ultimate fest for all your friends, so I say, don’t tear apart, satisfy both sides of you.
    Now I only wish I could be there…

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    • Birgit!!
      How lovely to see you here.
      You guys are so fabulously stylish. Sounds like two perfect weddings.
      I’d love to see pics next time we are in Austria. Hopefully 2019. We can have a Married Ladies Lunch.
      Portia xx

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18. I love and adore almost all wedding stuff – the cake, the food, the flowers, the outfits 🙂 At my wedding, 20 years ago, the one thing I wasn’t looking forwards to was standing up and speaking in front of people (don’t like public speaking). However, I found out that there is something really wonderful about making a statement of love in front of family and friends who share in your joy. All the other wedding stuff was just icing on the cake (which was really delicious)!

    Also, on a practical note, pick one thing that is your priority and then take care of, but don’t worry about the rest. Ours was food and (since it drives my Mother nuts to go to beautiful ceremonies that have ugly chairs), nice chairs. Oh, and make sure that you get enough water and get a chance to enjoy your wonderful food (I’ve seen too many weddings when the couple doesn’t get a chance to eat at all – good way to end up cranky).

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    • Ahhh ElizabethC,
      Excellent advice.
      Yeah, I love the idea of a big wedding, well part of me does. The other part is terrified.
      All good food for thought.
      Portia xx

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19. Are you doing it because you want to, or out of defiance because you legally can’t yet? It seems odd to hear you speak of commitment on one hand, but then not wanting to “shackle” each other with rings.

    It sounds to me as though you’d prefer a quiet ceremony, and then maybe a big party at a later date. I say have your simple ceremony nearby, then take your time planning a reception. That’s the best part anyway, the planning; you may never even do it,but you’ll have all the lovely plans for it!

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    • Hey Marla,
      The base reason, and we can’t do it till it becomes legally binding here in Australia, is to shore up any problems should one of us fall ill or die.
      Personally, I’m not really someone who sees to formalise any arrangement but currently in Australia as defect couples we are not seen as immediate family.
      My sister, who took legal action against my Mum after Dad’s will, is still alive. Though she has rejected me for decades the moment I die she will probably be at the door. Jin doesn’t deserve that kind of complication in his time of grief.
      There is no question of my love and commitment to Jin, and our relationship. We are basically as married as any of our heterosexual friends. The piece of paper is a formality, though I do understand that a party is a party is a party. Everyone wants to join the happy couple.
      Yeah, the rings are actually quite a thing around here. Jin can’t wear one to work and I wouldn’t wear mine for work either. Our shackles are internal, by choice every day.
      Portia xx

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20. We had to get married if we wanted to live in the same country. So, we made the legal part something close to an administrative chore–the two of us at a London Registry office, deliberately dressed down, just doing the paperwork with two friends as witnesses–because this was not a choice. It was something that two governments insisted on. Otherwise we could not be together. (While, at the same time, we were hugely grateful that this option was available to us, and furious it was not permitted for couples in the same situation–falling in love across national boundaries and oceans–just because they happened to be same-sex couples.)

    Our real wedding had been some weeks earlier, in a park above the city of Portland. It was lovely: we made up our own ceremonies, told stories, celebrated with friends, danced in a cloud of bubbles, walked through the woods in the rain, drank coffee and champagne in a the cafe where we had first met, swam at midnight, had a joyful breakfast when half a dozen people broke into our room in the morning to bring us pastries and more champagne.

    Back in London, we had a boozy, fabulous all day picnic in Soho Square–the closest park to home–with half the cake we’d brought back from Portland, and more importantly the friends who lived on this side of the Atlantic.

    (It had been close to disaster…the paperwork had been lost by the embassy, along with his passport. Then they issued the wrong visa. My flight out had been cancelled, as had about four others that day, and I finally arrived just 14 hours before we were to get married. Staff from several airlines rushed around to make sure I got there, performing miracles, even letting me take all my luggage as carry on, to prevent the horror of losing my ah-bloody-may-zing dress. It all came together. I still smile *hard* when I think of that day in Portland. The rainbow that stretched across the sky as we made vows to each other. Almost twenty years ago, now. Huh.)

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    • Crikey,
      That is a wonderful story. How fabulous, everything, all of it. Wonderful.
      Thanks for sharing.
      Portia xx

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21. First of all, congratulation. I’m excited for you and Jin.

    Now to practicality. I’m not saying “do it as I say” but if I were you…

    Small ceremony with BFFs – and for that you can do the most dressed up or down (dependent on how you feel), ring/bracelets/cufflinks/whatnot – just to have a material representation of that ceremony, and have lunch or dinner at whatever place you too consider special (just don’t do any new place – you don’t need surprises). Make it meaningful and special, pamper yourself and each other and have it just for yourself. Maybe have a video taken during the ceremony.

    On a later date have a big party – but nothing formal or too expensive (which it will be if you were actually to have a wedding reception). Come up with some theme that plays into the wedding spirit or is the complete opposite – but let your guests be a part of what’s happening (as an opposite of you planning everything as it usually happen with weddings). Have fun with your friends, let them toast you, show the video made during the ceremony.

    Visit Jin’s parents and do a quiet celebration with his family. Show them the video 🙂

    OR!

    Do the intimate ceremony but translate it live over the Internet and invite not only close friends and relatives to watch it but everybody in the world who reads this blog (or other blogs that you frequent), knows you through FB or Twitter.

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    • OMG!! INTERNET WEDDING!!
      Undina, you may just have had the idea of your life time. That is FREAKING AMAZING!!!
      What a bloody sensational idea.
      As soon as Jin gets home I’m going to broach the subject with him.

      O M G Undina, I love it.
      Thank you.
      Portia xx

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      • ❤
        If you do, I’ll be there – day or night 🙂

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22. Ideally I would want gay marriage to be legal in Australia though it may still be better to go to Korea for marriage. I am saying that because people in different countries have different economic resources on the average and folks in Australia are more likely to be able to afford to go to South Korea than the other way around. But if Jin has a small family and only few of them will participate in wedding, Australia may work, too.

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    • Hey Fazal,
      Yes, as soon as it’s legal is when we will do it.
      If we go that route we are going to fly Jin’s family in and hotel them. No expense to them. We will probably bring his brothers family too.
      Portia xx

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23. You two are so right together. Try not to be railroaded by what others think is (what they like) is good for you. And what does Jin want? As soon as venues,caterers, florists etc hear “wedding” the price goes up by at least 30%. So throwing a ‘party’ might work better it is to be a huge affair. (invite me! invite me!) A long time ago Richard and I got hitched because we needed Singaporean resident visas. In August in the courtyard of Mietta’s in North Fitzroy. Then we sat down to a fabulous four hour lunch for 50. The heavens opened just after the civil ceremony. Friends of one of our guests lived across the road and keep holding up signs of his team’s footy match progress. 😉 Easy does it and good luck!

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    • hey Bernadette,
      Yes, we are DEFINITELY calling it a party. Already got that down pat.
      WOW! Four hour lunch for 50 is enormous!
      Portia xx

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24. Congratulations, it’s wonderful.

    I think a small event is best. Choose a comfortable place you will think of fondly in the future, a place that will make you happy. It might be a nearby restaurant, club, church, registry office, hotel, park, beach, garden, museum, or perhaps your own home. Have your vows there, followed by a small celebration in the same place if possible. Enjoy champagne and hors d’oeuvres or a simple catered meal with CAKE. There must be cake. A few scented flowers, some lilies, roses, stephanotis, jasmine, or orange blossom. Perfume party favors for your guests.

    Invite your two BFFs or three or four, up to a dozen close friends and family, but no more. Keep in mind the size of your venue. Make it relaxed, comfortable and cozy, not a crowd. You will make happy memories and have a place you can return to each year (or more often) to remember your wedding and celebrate your life together.

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    • Great advice Tiffanie,
      Yeah, ideas are crystallising. Now we just have to await the governments change of legislation.
      Portia x

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25. First, congratulations to you both. Try not to think of shackles, but of beautiful bracelets.
    Not married, but the nicest weddings I’ve been to have been small. Bring Jin’s family over.

    How about a garden wedding? I can see you and Jin standing tall and proud each with your elegant dog beside you. Late morning, champagne brunch.

    On another note, polls about civil rights are never a good idea. Geez, so many countries have completely legalized marriage equality. Here in Canada, I have to say to your government “get on with it.” Join the leading countries in the Commonwealth.

    Whatever you decide it will be the right choice for you.

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    • Thanks Lindaloo,
      Garden weddings are beautiful. It’s a fab idea.

      Yeah, it’s weird that our government has taken this stance. 20 years ago I thought we were going to be the first but then it all turned to shit.
      It has become frustrating, upsetting and generally awful lately.
      Portia xx

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26. I got married in a church with a reception afterwards. It was very traditional and very lovely. For you, I would vote for what Old Herbaceous said and do it all, providing that Jin would like that as well. I do vote for some kind of token, be it a ring or bracelet, or even a necklace. DON’T get a tattooed ring. One of my friends did that and deeply regrets it. I think its wonderful that you and Jin are making that committment to one another. Make a video and share that on the blog. Congratulations, in advance, to you both.

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    • Thanks EllenM,
      I don’t think the churches would let us, even if the law was changed.
      We are thinking diamond ear studs. Really simple.

      Yeah, video sounds really good.
      Portia xx

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27. Our wedding was a bit of a stuff-up, so I wouldn’t recommend much of what we did. You need to treat this as a big event without going overboard; my impression of you is that you will be happier with a big group of people around you on the day. I would also recommend doing it twice. My brother married a girl from the Phillipines, and they had a wedding here and honeymooned there, including a second wedding, so they could include both groups of family and friends.

    My niece “married” her girlfriend in what was the best “wedding” I’ve ever been to. They decided that it would be fun, first and foremost. They got married in a former convent in Daylesford (ironic). They both wore fancy bridal dresses and her partner’s family came from Israel to join in. There was a big table of lollies for snacks instead of canapes and the wedding cake was a tower of cupcakes. They asked everybody to contribute a song for the reception soundtrack and they simply rocked on until closing. Then we went to a bar and kicked on until about 2am.

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    • OMG! What a sensational wedding idea. I LOVE it Greg.
      Thanks.
      Portia xx

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28. Hi Portia, I think you’ve forgotten you have marriage celebrants amongst your friends. Another option is to have Willa solemnise your marriage in a small, intimate, private ceremony somewhere scenic and meaningful (as opposed to a sterile registry office). It will be my wedding gift to you and Jin.

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    • Hey Willa,
      That is so generous of you. WOW! Beautiful offer.
      I had not forgotten my celebrant friends. One of the reasons I was thinking a Registry. You are not alone in your celebrant-ism and to choose one friend over others worries us.

      I will ask Jin what he thinks though, he may decide in your favour. I think he likes you.
      Portia xx

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29. Dear Portia, This is so exciting! Carl and I got married really young and in Austria. So we had the two weddings like Birgit did. It was small with only family and dear friends and it was perfect. Do what you and Jin want. Take your time and discuss the options thoroughly together and see what makes you both happy. I am sorry to not give you more than that but it really is as simple as it is Yours and Jins day- nobody elses. I look forward to hearing anout all of the plans. Lots of love to you both, Sandra xoxo

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    • Thanks Sandra,
      We love you guys too,
      Portia xx

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30. Start writing your vows to each other and from there, see whats most important to you both, whether to go big or small! Whatever you choose Portia and Jin, it will be fabulous xxx you know your friends and loved ones will be there for you.

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    • VOWS? Do we have to do all that? What about, “I promise not to stab you when you leave shit in the walkway”?
      Thanks anna-Maria, I bloody missed you tonight.
      Portia xx

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31. I am loving reading others’ suggestions and wedding stories! So here’s a bit of mine. I was the first non-Catholic in my husband’s family, so it was important to me that his parents feel we were “really” married and enjoy everything. We had two celebrants, at a service in the chapel of the college I attended: the main one a minister from my faith, who was chaplain there (and an old friend of our family’s) and the other the former Catholic chaplain from my husband’s college, who had become a friend. Traditional Anglican service in early afternoon on a Saturday (rehearsal dinner the night before with wedding party and out of town family). I wore my mother’s wedding dress and carried lilies of the valley I had grown myself. We had live organ and trumpet music, led by another family friend.

    The April day began with unseasonal snow flurries; turned to light rain during a pre-wedding brunch with family and wedding party; and became sunny during the service, so we emerged from church into brilliant sunshine! We walked from there to the college’s faculty club, set in a lovely garden, where I had worked during school as a server and hostess. We had champagne, cake and light hors d’oeuvres as it was mid-afternoon, plus music and dancing. My husband and I left from there to have a quiet dinner alone and spend the night at a beautiful country inn nearby, but we came back for breakfast the next day with out-of-towners who had stayed, then we went back to our house and opened gifts with some of them! It was really fun, and we look back on that weekend with many happy memories. I went back to grad school on Monday, and we went on our honeymoon trip after I graduated in May.

    The happy memories are the key, as others have said here — what will you and Jin want to look back on from that day? For me, priorities were gathering with people who had known us most of our lives, the church service, the music, the flowers, and traditions like wearing my mother’s dress. So glad we didn’t feel we had to spend a ton of money on catering a sit-down dinner! For others, that is more important. I do love seeing my ring every day as a nice reminder; if rings aren’t right for you, there are other options! Congratulations! Whatever you do, I’m sure it will be lovely!

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32. Congratulations!!! Those are a lot of great options 🙂 I would recommend against a destination wedding in order to be able to include those who don’t have the time and resources to go far away. I’d go for a big party, because a wedding is a marvelous excuse for a party! But whatever you decide on, your feelings for each other and the love and support of your friends will make it perfect.

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33. So wonderful that you are getting married! Everyone has already made such great suggestions- do what’s right for you both-but I like the idea of small intimate ceremony with Jin’s family & your closest friends, wedding cake & champagne, then big party later for your wider circle of family/friends- and please do have a video of it for us all to see & share your joy! I m not sophisticated as far as perfume goes, but I have learned so much from following your blog (thank you!) & I want to suggest Songes as a wedding perfume. It is so beautiful. Australia needs to do the right thing and legalize marriage equality! I also love your idea for matching diamond stud earrings. Kathy

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34. Congratulations to you both 🙂 I’m not married, so haven’t done it myself, but my favorite weding was very homemade: a large group of friends getting together to celebrate and contribute in their own ways. Some relatives made dessert and food, another guest contributed the beverages, and a third made the flowers. Keeping the wedding cozy and simple and then planning a extra special honeymoon always sounded like a good idea to me!

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35. Firstly, this “ballot” is an absolute disgrace. I am ashamed and furious and unfortunately trolling “no” vote chat rooms with rainbow emojis didn’t work to alleviate my rage.

    Anyway, on to happier topics.

    I worked for a wedding magazine for a few years and as penance for receiving all the beauty products including the frags, I also had to interview the brides for those “your day” stories. My two cents is go towards solemn but in a way that is meaningful to you. Especially for long term couples, and as you allude to, you’re already committed to each other, the marriage is about saying that in front of your loved ones so that in 5 years when you want to divorce him, they’re there to remind you how beautiful it was (OK talking about myself now!)! Sharing that moment with your loved ones is what it’s about so make it something that works to achieve that. And hire the best photographer you possibly can, that is the only place not to scrimp.

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