No Radio Silence. And a Little Perfume Homework.


Val the Cookie Queen.



Servus APJ

I said I was gonna take a break.  I am so damn busy.  And yet here we are.

“You can’t have silence on the radio; people will turn away from the station.”  Robert Barry.  American artist.  Conceptual art.

I had my first radio show alone last week.  Alone in the studio.  I got there early enough to set it all up without going into panic mode.  I mean there is not a lot to set up to be honest.  I had my suspicions that there might be a hitch when I could not listen to my music on the cue button.  Damn.  I watched the seconds count down until my jingle played, turned on the microphone and — yeah.



No Radio Silence.  And a Little Perfume Homework.

“Welcome to my show, coming live from the Freies Radio Salzkammergut (FRS) studio,  I think we might have a problem.  I am going to push the play button and hopefully there will be music.”   Nothing.   “Apparently we DO have a problem, but we are gonna fix this shit together.”  I had messaged Kristina, one of the DJ’s, currently studying in Sweden for a semester, when I realized that things might not work.  She FaceTimed me and we set about finding the problem out together, with both her voice and mine on air.  You cannot have silence on the radio.  Whilst this was going on, I tried plugging the two plugs at the end of my iPad into the wrong holes in case that helped.  Actually it did something weird, the music started to play but extremely muffled.  At this point I had Bonkers About Perfume messaging me that she could just about hear it; and my brother messaging to say something was knackered.  Meanwhile I keep talking and staring at the mixing desk.



Suddenly Erika, FRS technical expert, came flying into the studio.  She had listening to the show in the shower – and as soon as she heard what was going on, jumped int her car and came to rescue me.  I have seldom been so happy to see someone.  Of course it was only a matter of one button that had not been pressed, but in my defense I had not been shown it.  So after nearly 20 minutes of  talking who knows what along with Kristina, and sending screenshots of the mixing desk to her to try and locate the problem, we were finally on air with the music.  How DO you guess which button out of the hundreds it might be?   A baptism by fire.



I have some homework for you guys, something to keep you busy over the festive season.   I am looking for songs with perfume references of some kind or another in the lyrics. Simple as that.

“Feels like I am standing in a timeless dream, Of light mists of pale amber rose, Feels like I’m lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent, Touching, discovering you …..”  I Love You Always Forever.  Donna Lewis.

“Why she looks at you so coolly?  And her eyes shine like the moon in the sea, She comes in incense and patchouli  …..”  The Year of the Cat.  Al Stewart.

Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall?

See you in 2020.





18 thoughts on “No Radio Silence. And a Little Perfume Homework.

  1. O M G! Heartattack! You are a genius, just work it out on air!

    Here are some Shalimar songs.

    Johnny Cash: Forty Shades Of Green

    Again I want to see and do
    The things we’ve done and seen
    Where the breeze is sweet as Shalimar
    And there’s forty shades of green

    Van Morrison: Madame George

    Down on Cyprus Avenue
    With a childlike vision leaping into view
    Clicking, clacking of the high heeled shoe
    Ford & Fitzroy, Madame George
    Marching with the soldier boy behind
    He’s much older with hat on drinking wine
    And that smell of sweet perfume comes drifting through
    The cool night air like Shalimar

    Bob Dylan: On A Little Street In Singapore

    My sails tonight are filled with perfume of Shalimar
    And temple bells will guide me to the shore
    And then I’ll hold her in my arms and love the way I loved before
    On a little street in Singapore

    Liked by 2 people

  2. With so many buttons on that mixing desk you had two hopes: Bob and no.
    You can’t fix what you’ve never been shown. Good on Erika for coming to the rescue.

    Impossible to beat Portia but I’ll have a think about perfume lyrics. Fun.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Most likely not your style of song, but Brooks and Dunn “Hillbilly Deluxe:
    “Waiting on Saturday night
    Put on the smell good
    Put on Skynyrd….”.
    I’ve always laughed hearing that line, “put on the smell good.” Funny term for perfume/cologne.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You were a total professional, and I both felt your pain and loved your cool chutzpah for ever one of those 20 mins you couldn’t hear the music. I could hear it fine with the volume turned up a lot, but obviously that is not ideal.

    “Through the perfume of sweet velvet sleep” – On My Balcony

    “The scent of myrrh on your skin” – Rain Check

    “Do you daub your body with a split of Tralala?” – Stick Your Hand Up If You’re Louche

    (And yes, that is the Penhaligon’s scent.)

    All by The Monochrome Set.

    Liked by 1 person

      • “a split of Tralala” is a direct quote of something I said to the band, which they thought so amusingly impenetrable that they promised to include it in a song one day. And they did! I am in turn grateful to Tara of ABR for my split, and to Nick Gilbert, for selling her the bottle.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Aha, I have two from Nirvana. Smells Like Teen Spirit. Not direct reference but in the ballpark. The Scentless Apprentice was about the character in Patrick Susskind’s book Perfume.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Snap. Smells Like Teen Spirit is actually a direct perfume reference. Kathleen Hanna wrote “Kurt smells like Teen Spirit” on his wall, after the Teen Spirit deodorant his girlfriend used to spray. That’s the origin of the song title.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Tough day at the office Val; glad that you sorted it out.

    One song that springs to mind is Tom Waits’ Step Right Up:

    You need perfume? we got perfume, how ’bout an engagement ring?
    Something for the little lady, something for the little lady,
    Something for the little lady, hmm
    Three for a dollar

    Of course there’s Britney, and also the Perfume Genius.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow Val! What a day!! I am happy that it all worked out well in the end. Sorry that I can’t help with the perfume in songs. I am enjoying reading all the comments.
    Merry Christmas.
    Sandra xo

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Don’t know if you’re still looking for song ideas Val, but I was reminded today of a beautiful and hard-to-find song called “Ponytail Girl” by Color Theory. Very much in the style of Depeche Mode. (In fact a lot of people credited the song to DM, much to the artist’s annoyance).

    “At 4 p.m. her second shower of the day
    She shuts her eyes and lets the workweek wash away
    Repaints her toes and fingernails
    Sprays on three dollars of perfume
    Brushes her teeth
    And tries on clothes
    Until they clutter up the room”


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