HAPPY NEW YEAR 2017

December 31, 2016 / australianperfumejunkiescom / 16 Comments

Portia

Hey All,

Thank You for another year of amazing fragrance chatter and beyond. Last year I wrote that the world was in trouble. SHIT! Seems the world took that as a challenge. Brexit, Putin, Trump, the Middle East, Europe, Africa, almost everywhere there is backlash against saving our planet, it’s flora and fauna and people. Big business has us all hoodwinked and most governments are in the pockets of Pharmaceuticals (drugs), War (guns) and Oil. The big picture is bleak.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2017

Around me though I see regular bright sparks of creative giving and helping that gives me hope for the small picture. Jin cut his beautiful hair for leukaemia fundraising this year and raised thousands. He did it on my Mum’s The gang at Hair by Phd Parramatta Store cut it for free so we could send it off to become a wig for children with leukaemia. Jin is a dead set hero in my eyes.

My friends Rita and Cathy (and a GF of theirs whose name I can’t bloody remember) are fundraising and cooking with the One Meal crew here in Sydney to provide one decent meal a week to families who are right on the edge of the poverty line and street people. We did a Turbo Trivia Fundraiser for them and raised nearly $22,000. In a year filled with fundraising this was a major highlight.

Another mate Matt Moore and his buddies Matt White and Ben Dunley have started the idea of using the Aussie men’s mates’ mantra ‘Grab a pie, Grab a mate, Have a chat’ helping men to talk about their feelings. From Matt’s own depression problems sprung this idea of doing something so regular, so common amongst Aussie mates and making it a moment to discuss life issues. In 2015, preliminary data showed a total of 3,027 deaths by suicide (12.7 per 100,000), 2,292 males (19.4 per 100,000) and 735 females (6.2 per 100,000). Aussie guys are 3x more likely suicide and at a rate of over 6 per day, from a population of just over 23 million. That’s bad, anything that can help is good. Go visit Guys & Pies and donate.

What do I do? Well, I give myself at a heavily discounted rate for fundraisers, help a few people who I know are struggling sometimes with food, time or cash, give regularly to charities that I feel the money is being spent on helping not admin and we rescue dogs. While none of these things are earth shattering they are game changing for the people that are helped. That’s all I can do.

So Happy New Year Australian Perfume Junkies. To everyone that’s contributed, commented, lurked and followed I wish you a peaceful & prosperous 2017. Fill it with fun & laughter, fragrance and stuff you enjoy. Make time to care for yourself, push yourself to be the best you can be and treat everyone you come in contact with as you’d hope to be treated.

We love you all,
Portia xx

Meldrick the Whippet

May 11, 2016 / australianperfumejunkiescom / 59 Comments

Post by Poodle

My whippet, Mel, was diagnosed with oral cancer last spring. You know the film called There Will Be Blood? I had my own version of that at home. When the vet says tumors are vascular and can bleed a lot, believe them. It grew slow and steady for months. As bad as it started to look the vet said things that grow slowly aren’t usually painful until they get too big. The body gradually adjusts. He said we’d know when it was time. When it started to grow quickly everything changed. The bleeding just got to the point where I couldn’t keep up with it. I was cleaning up constantly. You can’t bandage a mouth. His breath had been getting worse too. All I could smell was that and blood. He started having trouble eating. The tumor began growing out of his mouth. It was time. We made the call for that final trip to the vet. He was a fighter but it was time to stop battling. I’d like to think Mel understood.

Farewell Meldrick

Up to then I had been coping with everything but I have to be honest and tell you caregiver fatigue is real and I was an emotional wreck towards the end. Anger, tears, frustration, more tears… every day. I turned to my perfumes for comfort and an attempt to smell something other than Mel’s mouth. I didn’t want to connect any favorite scents with watching my dog die so I used up samples during the daytime. I felt an odd sense of happiness with every empty vial. I was trying to do a “no buy” for other cosmetics as well and use things up. I think in retrospect I should have rewarded myself a bit more. I did eventually cave and buy a new lipstick. Or two. I always reach for incense in stressful times and Avignon and Cardinal were there for me as bedtime scents along with Baiser Vole which really works like an aromatherapy wonder on me. They’d take me to a happier place as I drifted off to sleep.

Watching that tumor grow was a constant reminder that some things are beyond our control. I now have an understanding of how a person can get diagnosed with cancer and die a few weeks later. I took photos of Mel 10 days apart and the change was scary. These things are aggressive and fast and there was nothing I could do to change it. Often, it’s that helpless feeling that tears you apart inside.

The takeaway from this is if you’re caring for someone or something it IS hard and frustrating. It will wear you down if you’re not careful. Make time for yourself even if it’s just a few minutes before bedtime. Have a good cry if you need to. Treat yourself even if it’s just a cheap lipstick or perfume. Hug the ones you love. Find a way to hug yourself if there’s no one to hug you back.

Take care of yourselves my fragrant friends.

Hugs
Poodle

Embarrassed and Blue? What Do I Do?

May 5, 2016 / australianperfumejunkiescom / 80 Comments

Post by Portia

Hey Crew,

I’m blue. Yes, having a crunchy, grumpy, blue day. Mainly I’m sore, embarrassed and filled with un-named self loathing. The black dog is visiting again. Rude on a sun shiny, warm and perfect autumn day which makes me feel even more depressed because now I’ve added guilt to the mix. Then the spiral worsens because I start getting angry at myself because I am so lucky I have no right to be down. All this happening in my head while coming to full awakeness, already before I even opened my eyes the spiral had begun.

Wikipedia

So, I’ve come to the keyboard to tell you what I’m feeling. Sharing, doing something, anything to change my course, halt the spiral, redirect myself. Thanks for being here, if you’re bored already then sorry, go about your day. Even getting to the computer and writing this much has chipped away a little at the thick morass.

Embarrassed and Blue? What Do I Do?

OK, why am I sore? Last night at work I was returning my plates to the restaurant, walking past some diners and the bar. Floating around in drag, doing the right thing of returning my plates so I could thank the chef. My shoe caught on something, maybe carpet or frock or itself. One second I was upright and the next on all fours, the left over food scattered everywhere and people laughing, shocked intakes of breath, staring and talking to me. I was there in that position for about 5 seconds going over my body to see if anything was really hurt and doing a body count. Everything seemed OK except my knees were already starting to throb. Stood up, and looked down, knees out of stockings, looking like I’d been dragged across asphalt and one already bleeding. It was a mess. GAK!

Thank goodness the staff and punters are my mates. We got me sorted, cleaned up as much as possible, disinfected, bandaged etc and I went on and did my nights work of Trivia Hosting. Embarrassing but all OK.

Why am I grumpy? This is not so easy to assess. Maybe I didn’t sleep well because of the pain. Maybe I’m feeling dumb. Maybe I was just due a blue day.

How am I going to react? Well, I got out of bed and cleaned my teeth. Then I came to the computer to write to you all. Already I feel better. Not perfect but better. I have stepped from the abyss. Now I’m going to make an instant coffee with sugar & milk. See you in a moment.

Pexels

Heya, it’s about 30 minutes later. I made my coffee, went onto the balcony and folded Jin & my washing up, cleaned up my knees and re-applied antiseptic and Band Aids, took my shirt off and sat in the sun to drink my coffee. Coming back into the room I gave myself 6 blasts of my current fragrance addiction Calvin Klein Contradiction.

Fragrantica

Parfumo gives these featured accords:
Top: Lily, Lily-of-the-valley, Orchid, Mock-orange, Peony, Rose
Heart: Pear, Blackberry, Eucalyptus, Lilac, Jasmine
Base: Musk, Sandalwood, Tonka bean

Sitting here now in my office, typing in a cloud of Contradiction, and though I am not fully functioning in joyful mode I have derailed the train of depression-spiral and now I’m going to write 10 things I can be grateful for.

I am grateful for my home. It’s no mansion but it’s comfortable and functional.
Grateful for food in the fridge, there is even some double cream brie and a few olives. So there’s lunch sorted.
Super grateful for my friends. The handful of really close ones and the wider stretch of buddies and mates.
Grateful for my continued good health. Yes, I’ve had a fall but these bones are strong and I’m already healing.
Grateful I have work. Trivia will never make me a multi millionaire but I enjoy the work, love seeing players every week and having a laugh with them.
Thankful for my parents who gave me so much and left me educated and self assured.
Grateful that I have a kettle, coffee, sugar & milk.
Grateful that I have somewhere to come every day and chat about fragrance, APJ and all of you are a lifesaver. Thank You.
Grateful for my fragrance collection. Yes, it’s ridiculous. No, I’ll never use even 1/20 of it. Yes, it brings me joy.
Grateful for Jin.

Righto. I feel like I’m ready to face the day now.
Thanks for coming on the journey with me. If you suffer from depression try these simple tricks, sometimes they work a treat. If your spiral continues, please seek help. Try a friend but should they all be busy or sleeping there are plenty of Help Lines you can call 24/7.

LifeLine Australia 13 11 14

Beyond Blue Australia 1300 22 46 36

My best advice is to take some positive action for yourself. Even cleaning my teeth can help restore my thought pattern and taking this small bit of care of myself can change the colour of my thoughts. This next meme works for you as well as those around you.

Wishing you all healthy minds and bodies,
Portia xxx

Welcome To 2016: Some Helpful Insights

January 16, 2016 / australianperfumejunkiescom / 36 Comments

Post by Portia

Hey Hey Crew,

This is the other side! You’ve made it through the western festive season and new year. OK, you now have had a little time to reflect on 2015 and what it taught you. I learned some valuable things in 2015 and I’d like to share some of them with you. Yes, most of you have already learned these but maybe having them reiterated will give you a great 2016.

Welcome To 2016: Some Helpful Insights

Jin & I often talk about how lucky we are. Not just in the Health, Wealth and Happiness sectors but in our friends. You may know I sometimes suffer black dog days, they are rare but intense. Jin is pretty good most of the time only experiencing anything nearing depression when his work life is toxic or unsteady. We do have friends though that battle depression on a daily basis and though we can’t help them with their demons we do provide a good distraction and try and give people new focus. Sometimes after a completely random day a friend will thank us for lifting their blues, even though we were completely unaware they were in a hole….

One of the pieces of advice we live by, and offer our friends as an antidote, is to step outside of our comfort zone. Even just for a short time and with a get out of jail plan if things turn out less fabulous than expected. Often depression is fed by fear, knowing you have the ability not only to make a decision but that you have the where-with-all to note drama or disaster and deal with it is an effective way of lifting depression or habitual poor choices. Also, knowing beforehand that not everything will work out perfectly and that it will be alright can be helpful.

Next we have something that took me 47 years to learn. I can’t believe that I am so freaking dense sometimes and am thinking about many instances in my life where I have behaved poorly because someone did not share my headspace. An opinion or a lifestyle is not an attack. GAWD! So simple. You don’t have to bring someone around to your point of view, it’s not a challenge or a threat. Conversation is full of disagreements, it’s good to know people who will challenge your thought processes, you may not change your minds but it’s excellent to hear and understand the other side of a point of view. Just because we don’t agree doesn’t mean the people you are interacting with are less of an anything than you, be nice to them. They are doing their best to live in this crazy, fucked up world too.

And lastly for today. Cut yourself some slack. The world will not end if your bathroom isn’t spotless for guests, in 100 years nobody will care that you were outrageous at the Christmas party and life will go on if you didn’t get your list finished and finalised today. Not everything we do in 2016 will be successful, you may not get the new set of information into your brain on the first go, any change takes time so be prepared to help yourself along. We are all a work in progress, no one was born the dream they have for themselves.

YOU are special to us at APJ. Thank you for being here, reading, commenting and being a part of the APJ family.

WE LOVE YOU and wish you a wonderful 2016.
Portia xxx

OVERWHELMED – Help

October 9, 2015 / australianperfumejunkiescom / 52 Comments

Post by Portia

Hey Fabulous Fragrant Fanatics,

Recently I was feeling completely overwhelmed. Things had gotten behind because other things had taken priority and I was really feeling the push to get stuff done, and trying to do it on less than enough sleep. This is not a healthy way for me to function and I do know it but because things had to be done I put in the extra and got really crabby. You know that 3 year old inside of us that just can’t wait to come out and have a tantrum? Well, what do you know, out it came.

Anyway, when I’m feeling overwhelmed like that not only do I lash out at those around me but quite often I beat myself up too. They are often joined, I lash out at someone and then beat myself up for being the lowest scum in the universe. You know the familiar sinking feeling? So I thought what could I do to stop myself flowing down that familiar path? Answer. I’ll do a feel good post for the APJ crew that reminds me, and them, that we are not alone. Even though it looks bleak it will all be OK. No one is dead and everything else is fixable or finishable.

OVERWHELMED – Help

Even though it feels bad right now I know that tomorrow will dawn brighter, even if it’s only my attitude that’s changed.

Though I’m feeling crap right now and have 100 reasons to let it all go to hell if I can just push through to the other side of this current mountain of work, friends, life, relationship, home and environment then I will have a breathing space.

Cutting things into bite sized, doable chunks and working towards a goal is the best way for me to go forward. Also, sometimes a moment to reflect. I’ll go make myself a cup of coffee and concentrate 100% on making coffee, that will let my subconscious do some collating. It doesn’t always work but it does let me unwind a little and often a way forward presents itself to me before the mug is empty.

The next one is really hard. You have to take everyone else out of the equation except you and your needs. Sometimes you need to say enough and walk away from a situation. Only you can ever know if you are walking away or giving up and what anyone else has to say about it is none of your concern. You may have to tell them this calmly and rationally, then walk away from them till they process.

If you’ve walked away or if you’ve pushed through the mountain then you’ve earned a breather, a space. It may be only one hour, a pedicure, a moment when you spritz some incredible fragrance on yourself, put on a 3 minute song in your living room, close your eyes and dance like you did when you were younger (you’ll be puffed at the end but exultant). It may be taking 3 minutes out of your day to read APJ, whatever your space or reward is then you need to understand that you are gifting yourself this moment. It’s a pat on the back for doing your best. Drink in the joy of that special thing you do.

Lastly for this post, and maybe most importantly……

Just in case you were wondering, I feel 100% better right now. My mind is a bit clearer and I have a rough idea of how I’m going to move forward. Now it’s time to make myself a coffee and really enjoy the process of both making and drinking.

Be well, we love you.
Portia xxx

The Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy: 3 Minute Film

September 18, 2015 / australianperfumejunkiescom / 8 Comments

Post by Portia

Hi there APJ,

Sometimes the world seems to be a pile of shit. Often being thrown into an unhappy memory will trigger a downward spiral for me, and I seem to be most susceptible when I am also overwhelmed with other parts of my life and tired. It feels really selfish to be depressed and that further speeds my downward spiral. Yes, I know I don’t suffer depression in the deepest and blackest pit of hell sense but everything is relative and for me down is down, it’s not a race to the bottom and I don’t need to big note my pain. Sometimes life looks less lovely from inside me.

So, taking that into account and knowing that many other people suffer some level of depression then I think it important that we ALL watch this 3 minute lesson in empathy. Some really simple steps to help someone else through the rough times. Nothing feels better than being a light for someone when their world seem dark.

Please watch this,
Portia xx

Brené Brown on Empathy: 3 Minute Film

The Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy

LIVE

July 29, 2015 / australianperfumejunkiescom / 37 Comments

Hi there APJ,

Trésor is busy living, she sends full apologies but right now she needs to be elsewhere. Here is some stuff that I’ve found recently that might give you a pause for thought. A lot of the things I find are aimed primarily at women but guys these are for you too.

Life is rarely what we were told in future fairy tales by our parents and teachers. Life is tough, full of extremes and drama, there is always something or someone who wants to run you off the rails of your dream life. They are rarely the evil incarnate that you expect them to be but just other people in your life trying to get their own shit on track. It’s very easy to get caught up, lose focus and become worn down with the drudgery of day to day living. It’s so easy to forget yourself, your goals and your well being. Sometimes we all need to take a moment to really ask ourselves if we are OK, what do we need, how can we best reassess and how can we better live this too short a period we are given on earth.

I also believe that I have to feel the pain and learn from it. Life is evolution and growth. Stagnation, especially mental, is decay.

If you are suffering depression please seek help. It’s an illness like any other and needs treatment. If you had a broken arm, rash or a continuing cough you would see a doctor for treatment. Depression needs treatment too. For yourself and those around you please treat it with the same speed and diligence you would a child in your cares chicken pox.

Mostly though, please live your life as if it’s worth something. It is. YOU are.

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Cyber hugging you all while wearing Les Voyages Olfactifs 01 Paris-Moscow by Guerlain.
Portia xxx

One Sentence That Lifts My Day….

May 15, 2015 / australianperfumejunkiescom / 15 Comments

Hey there APJ,

Ever struggle? Ever wonder if it’s all worth it? Ever put stuff off till you get through this crisis? Do you ever feel that you’re missing out on the good stuff because you can only see the crap?

I have days like that too. My time is often overcommitted, other people’s inability to organise their shit means mine is behind, or worse means I have to miss something I love because they are stupid selfish assholes, maybe there is drama around you and while you’re in the middle of it it consumes you? There are also times when I feel I have no space, that I’m completely engulfed by work, the world and people. Seriously, I only sleep around 6 hours a day but 18 hours rarely feels like enough.

Here’s a beautiful sentence that reminds me I’m not alone, other people get to this point too and that if I can keep moving through it will calm down pretty soon.

I hope it helps you too,
Waft on my lovelies,
Portia xx

Photo Stolen Flickr

Overwhelmed? Me Too Sometimes…..

November 28, 2014 / australianperfumejunkiescom / 24 Comments

Hey there APJ,

I am writing to you from the weekend of my move, knowing I have to travel on Thursday. It’s Sunday afternoon and I can’t find my drag stockings or shoes and I have to work tonight. Life feels too big and I am engulfed. So I stopped in the middle of a melt down and thought I’d come share my distress with you.

Photo Stolen WikiCommons

By now (when you are reading this) I will have flown away to the USA and will be having the time of my life. I do know that this feeling is for right now and that there will be less dramatic moments in the near future. I even know that the club will not mind particularly that I go to work in Man Drag, and that the crew there will be so fine with it. Still, the feeling that I’ve let myself and the team down is inescapable.

So, I thought I’d go looking through my pictures to level me out.

Here’s a series that have been particularly useful today. Especially number 2 which reminds me that I choose to live at 10,000 m/h and that every great upheaval brings renewal and growth. I can sleep when I’m dead but life is too short.

What did I spray today to keep me fragrant while FREAKING OUT? LouLou by Cacharel earlier in the day and Voile d’Ambre by Yves Rocher, smells like a MILLION dollars.

Thanks for reading my silly, self obsessed rant. Fingers crossed you all are happy and well and that life is smiling gently over your lives, friends and families.

Hugging you in cyber.

Portia xx

Painting The Truth

November 21, 2014 / australianperfumejunkiescom / 4 Comments

Hi there APJ!

Here is a very simplistic ideal. We know it but often it gets lost in the “I Want”, “They Have”, “If Only” windmill of our minds.

Photo Stolen NeelaVermeireCreations

While I’m writing to you from my new digs in Redfern, Sydney I am bathed in a gorgeous thick, rich haze of Mohur by Neela Vermeire Creations. Just following the advice in the painting below. BLISS!

Whatever you are doing this is pretty good advice, and so pretty too

Cyber hugging you from here

Portia xxx

Photo Stolen Facebook