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Post by Portia

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WARNING: TRAGIC UN FRAG RELATED SOPPINESS AHEAD

Hey APJ,

Since 2005 I have had 2 best friends. Kath that you know and one you probably don’t know so much about.

Let me give you some history to help you understand. Both my parents died quite early, both age 64 years 10 months, 11 years apart and we were late life children for them. Once they were gone my sister became a Jehovah’s Witness and a gay, drag queen brother does not fit into that life in any way. I do have cousins but most live at far corners of the country and others have become unavailable for a variety of reasons.

When Mum died two families stepped up to heal the wounds and especially my BFF Kath. It’s amazing how love can heal the breach caused by heartache. During this time I was also conducting an on again off again 10 year relationship with a subcontinental Indian man, 2+ years with him here in Sydney and 8 more with him in India.

At the time NSW greyhound rehomers had a problem with putting greyhounds in apartments, I still don’t understand why because they are the perfect apartment dogs. Having done my research though and knowing that it was perfectly feasible I looked further afield. There were 3 that I had my eye on but at the start of January a woman in Perth who I had been in contact with about another dog asked if I would take a young fawn bitch who was due to be killed the next day. She had fallen in love with this beautiful, placid, ex Grand Champion and did not want to see her killed. The die was cast.

On the same day that my mother died, a few years later, another skinny blonde bitch came into my life. Gucci, the retired racing greyhound (racing name Diamond Starlight). She could have been the doggy reincarnation of my mother, smart, beautiful, willfull, naughty, funny and full of boundless energy, affection and unconditional love. Gucci was also the perfect size to curl up with on the couch. She arrived in a crate off an airplane, the moment I locked eyes with her I was lost. She was, and is, the most elegant of her line. Regal, arrogant, self assured and the ultimate Egyptian and Art Deco accessory that any drag queen could hope to be owned by.

I’m not saying it was easy. It was NOT. There was a battle of wills of titanic proportions. She would show her displeasure at my non attendance by destroying things. One morning I came into the lounge to find she had disemboweled a 25 year old King Furniture leather couch that had been my mothers pride & joy, not to mention the most comfortable crash site ever. Coming home from work one morning to find that she had shredded one of my most gorgeous gowns and had pulled off every diamante before tearing it apart. Stairs were a nightmare because she’d never seen them and getting her to sit took nearly two months (every foster dog we’ve had since learns stairs & sit in a week because she shows them how). I had to put empty tin cans tied together on the kitchen bench so when she jumped up the noise of them falling would scare the shit out of her, to the point where she now needs to be invited to walk on tiles. There were times we both despaired.

98% of the time though she was perfect. The very best things a companion can be. Everything you’ve heard, read or lived about dogs that is wonderful, it was describing Gucci.

Now though she is old. Can’t walk as well, trouble seeing, breathing is becoming impossible when she is excited, has gone off her food. You can’t tell by looking but she is ready to go, this life has become a burden for her.

Next Wednesday, at 10am, 11 years to the day since this incredible, magical, wonderful love of my life, the bright eyed, eager, loving and charming girl that has shown me so much about love, acceptance, sharing and fun has to be put down. I cannot tel you what an ocean of pain this gives me. Writing this farewell has taken nearly a box of tissues and I am ugly crying like Toni Collette in Muriel’s Wedding. Snot, dribble, can’t even breathe crying, crying like a lost and wounded child. The call to the vet took nearly 10 minutes because I could not get the words out.

This is what I wrote after making that call. Yes, so over the top and ridiculously dramatic but fuck it, I am dramatic. It’s in the blood.

 

I am laid waste, desolate and barren but for pain, searing agony of terror

alone

Breathing is impossible

How will I even

Ever

Wretched. I am undone

How can

Heart is breaking. Mind is numb.

FOG

Thank you for the unrelenting love and fun and craziness and running and cuddles and

thank you, my love

everything’s easier with you on my side and when you had my back I ruled the world

thank you

Thank you forever.

Portia