FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – (a husband’s point of view)

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Hey Hey All,
Remember Fifty Shades Of Grey? Well I have discovered this amusing poem by John Summers written in response from a husband’s point of view. Poor bugger, imagine?
I hope you all get a smile,
Portia xx

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FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – (a husband’s point of view)

By Pam Ayers (MAYBE!)

By John Summers (DEFINITELY!!)

The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag; ….
T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I had to dominate her!!

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out :
“Step on the other one”!!

Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!

66 thoughts on “FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – (a husband’s point of view)”

  7. OhMyBloodyGOD! I just spat out my coffee all over my desk (and part of myself). I cannot stop laughing. I read that 3 times. The part about “I might have had a peek; But Mabel hasn’t weathered well; She’s eighty four next week!!” sent me into whales of laughter. By the time I got to the teeth flying out….. Bloody hell, my stomach hurts.

    This was JUST what I needed right now, Portia. Absolutely priceless! You’re an angel for sharing it.

    Like

  9. Oh that is too too funny!
    My shrieks of laughter brought concerned doggies into the kitchen!
    Off to forward to all my friends, thank you so much for the laugh Portia.

    Like

  12. Portia!,
    I have not laughed so hard in I don’t know how long….worst part is it is four in the morning with everyone asleep and I had to contain myself!!!!!!!!!

    and the icing on the cake (or should I say “the cookie” was cookie queens response and your interpreting for us…PRICELESS!!

    Val- may i use that one as I happen to love curry?

    What a perfect way to end an absolutely exhausting week…thank you!

    Like

  13. It’s just after 5am here and I’m trying to not laugh too loud so I don’t wake the hubby. What a perfect poem for a Friday. Too funny.

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  14. With tears rolling down my cheeks and in utter hysterics it took 5 minutes for me to “normalise” and regain my composure. My whole body just shook in paroxysms of laughter. What a fabulously clever poem and great therapy. Needless to say this is going to go viral, most likely 🙂

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  16. Hi .. author here 🙂 …..thanks for your great comments. I sent this to who a friend who posted with my name attached on Facebook July 10 last year. It’s since been posted all over the place with the odd word change – sometimes more than just the odd change – and mostly anonymously. Recently it’s being attributed to English poet Pam Ayres 🙂 🙂 … ah well! Anyway, thanks again. If bothered you can Google words – missus paperback John Summers – to confirm it was me !

    Cheers
    John Summers

    Like

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